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One of the biggest secrets to life and all of your relationships is this:

People will speak to you and treat you exactly how they treat themselves. On the flip side, you can only treat others the way you treat yourself. How does this concept work? If people are being hard on you, they are hard on themselves. If someone can't be honest with themselves about who they are, they will never be able to be honest with you. If you judge yourself, you will be quick to judge others. If you are kind and compassionate toward yourself, you will easily extend understanding toward others. I want to say it has nothing to do with you personally, but everything to do with the personal relationship they have with themselves, and that is true. However, the underlying principle of this is that you are attracting whatever behavior you receive from another person, and it is all based upon the relationship you have with yourself. Attracting because you are both resonating at a particular vibrational frequency that is manifesting the experience you are having with them at any specific moment in time. You're an energetic match to one another. It's a full circle, catch-22 if you will, and the only way out - the way to bring more positive, loving relationships into your life, is to heal your own inner world, your inner critic, and the responses you have to other people and your triggers. As you shift, people will adjust their behavior or leave your experience entirely because it's all energy.

The world is your mirror EVERY SINGLE TIME. It is reflecting back how you are thinking, feeling, and behaving through other people. So if you feel like someone is judging you, and that bothers you, it's time to do some self-reflection about where you are judging yourself. Different aspects and layers of you will be mirrored to you at different times. Sometimes, it's a co-worker, sometimes a relative, and many times a significant other, but whatever is said to you as a compliment, criticism, or judgment is something within you. If something about general behavior irritates you or triggers you and it keeps showing up, it's something within YOU. Often, people come into our lives for a short period of time just to be our mirror - to teach us and to help us heal, grow, and evolve. Which is pretty cool if you think about it.

If this concept overwhelms you, don't stress. It would be impossible to heal everything all at once. We are designed to heal in layers, which is why self-healing and self-love are life-long journeys. The relationship you have with yourself is something you will have to give energy to every day, and facing your own reflection can be challenging, but the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will ever have. Other relationships are just a reflection of you; this concept is your key to transforming them.

I recently gave a client some homework. Intuitively, I knew they needed to grow in self-love, not only to eventually attract the relationship they desire, but to also bring in more positive working relationships. I told them to get a notebook and begin recording their thoughts from when they woke up to driving in their car and throughout the day. After the first day, they didn't tell me what they wrote down, but they did admit they would be really upset if anyone ever said those things to them. But the reality is, they are manifesting it in their life experience. Their dating experiences and relationships are based on the thoughts and beliefs they hold about themself.

We can only love others at the level we love ourselves first, and people can only love us the way we want to be loved when we believe we are worthy of that love. How do you speak to yourself? Below is a great affirmation to say out loud and affirm the love you have for yourself. If you struggle to get through it - that's ok- use it as a test to see where you're at and work on it until you can get to a place where you repeat it with ease.


Seeing yourself as loveable draws loving experiences into your life. Your self-confidence and inner strength grows when you stop judging, condemning, and criticizing yourself.

I celebrate myself. I AM love.

I AM loving and loveable.

I AM infinite beauty.

I AM a child of God, precious in God's eyes.

I love and cherish myself as God loves me.

I like myself unconditionally.

I love myself unconditionally.

I accept myself unconditionally.

I approve of myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself unconditionally.

I trust myself unconditionally.

I bless myself unconditionally.

I allow myself to be myself.

I AM perfect, complete and whole.

I AM worthy and deserving of God's good for me.

I AM confident. I AM loved.

Thank you, God, and SO IT IS.

- excerpt from INSTANT HEALING by Susan Shumsky, DD

Click this link to order the book that contains this affirmation and so many more for healing and transformation.

Photo Credit: @theselfhealersguide

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